In an essay entitled “Please, leave marriage alone,” released just in time to promote his latest album, sagging pop icon Pat Boone questions the country’s sanity in debating marriage equality. He asks,
Are we going nuts?
Is the whole nation suffering from mad cow disease or becoming senile?
Was Chicken Little right? Is the sky falling?
Were Copernicus and all former mathematicians wrong? Is 2 and 2 actually relative, anything we want it to be?
Have we arrived at some stage in our “evolution” that empowers us to change the very DNA of society, of culture, the structural makeup of the human race?
… I do feel we’re suffering, as a nation, a moral trichinosis – that little talked-about malady that occurs when worms, gaining entry through poorly cooked pork, infiltrate a person’s muscles, gradually sapping strength and weakening the body beyond recovery. The victim doesn’t realize it’s happening until it’s too late; all he knows is that he’s losing energy and muscle tone, and he’s becoming strangely and completely weak, and finally helpless.
I have no immediate response to such an insane logic except to suggest to Pat Boone that perhaps he should start with that man in the mirror and investigate, for example, what was it that “infiltrated” his “muscles” to make him loose “muscle tone” “go nuts” and “senile.”
You can’t blame the gays for this, Pat. We’d have never allowed it.